Before Remembering a prequel to Please Remember Me
by MommaMinion40
Summary: A look back at the month of torture Sookie and Eric went through while trying to find their way home to each other after his memory loss. This covers the 30 days before Please Remember Me. Look for continuation "Remembered Love" coming soon.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you to my wonderful BETA and all around great girl SassyVampMama. And a loving shout out to the other 4 of my FAB 5 the lovely kjwrit, VikingLover Elle, makesmyheadspin and Suki59. I love you guys. Thank you for pimping my 1****st**** story "Please Remember Me" and helping me get this little story out of my head as well. I hope you enjoy. **

"_Before Remembering" a Prequel to "Please Remember Me" EPOV (Chapter 1)_

Sookie Stackhouse. I think her name over and over every night. I try to remember my time at her home and cannot. I feel like the memories are just below the surface but every time I get close they escape my grasp. It is so frustrating. I care for her, this much I know. I have since Jackson, well Dallas if I am honest with myself. There are moments I have thought that I could….love...her but that is ridiculous. I am a vampire, I do not love. But something deep down inside me tells me I am wrong. My chest is aching again. The more I think of her the sharper the pain. This has been happening ever since the night I left her house. I regained my life but I think I lost something more. I replay the night I rose at her home again and again.

"Where am I?" I thought to myself as I slowly opened the door to an unfamiliar closet. I was hit with a familiar scent, Sookie. Her scent was all over me and I love this smell of her all over me. I walk toward the door I see her standing there watching me put on the cheap jeans left for me on the bed. Her eyes are so bright and loving. I had waited a long time to see her look at me like that. Then her eyes changed as I spoke to her. I asked her why I was in her home and she starts to explain but told me to call Pam. She smiled as she handed me a True Blood when I reach the kitchen but I feel sadness from her. I started to ask her what is wrong but I did not. I was so confused. I wanted to reach out to her. Touch her, hold her but I didn't dare. Sookie and I did not have that type of relationship. Several times I caught her reaching for me. I longed for her to reach out and touch my face. I wanted her to give me some sort of sign that I could go to her but all I felt from her is sadness and resignation. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to joke and laugh with her. I wanted to hold her. WHY? I had always wanted her but this; this is something more than lust.

I felt Pam before I heard my car pull up. "Master, you look well. You are yourself?" She asked

"Yes, though I do not understand why I woke at Sookie's home and not my own." I asked.

"Eric what is the last thing you remember?" Pam asked me cautiously.

"I remember being in my office. That witch was there. Chow attacked her and then I wake up here tonight." That was all.

"Eric that was five nights ago, Sookie found you running down the road to her home that night and you have been here ever since." Pam blurted out. "Eric you don't remember your time with Sookie?" she asked almost hesitantly.

"No, I do not. You and Chow will give me a full report of the last five nights and I want to know everything." I demanded. "Chow is dead." Pam advised.

I started to ask how, but then I decided to wait. "You can tell me on the way to Fangtasia. If I have truly been here for five nights then I am sure there is much that needs my attention there. "

I paused for a moment and thought of going to Sookie and telling her goodbye but why would I give her any explanation of my actions and why do I feel compelled to hold her? I stride toward the door determined to shake these…feelings. As we got into the car the ache in my chest began. It was the first time it hit me. I could feel her so deeply and clearly. I obviously had more of her blood. I could feel Sookie's sadness grow. It felt like she was grieving. And I left her there. God help me, I left her. I knew deep down I had done something unforgivable by leaving her but in my confusion I did it anyway.

As we drove down Hummingbird Lane Pam spoke. "You should have told her goodbye. She was good to you and very loyal. She could have easily taken advantage of the situation financially. Hallow who is dead by the way, offered a $50,000 reward for you. Sookie could have claimed that money but she never even thought about betraying you. She protected you. You should have at least said goodbye to her." I said nothing because I knew my child was right.

I flew back to her house a few hours later. I could not stay away; I had to see her. I felt drawn like a moth to a flame. I looked through the window of her front porch and saw her lying wrapped in a hideous quilt and an equally ugly afghan. It was obvious that she had been crying, as her eyes were swollen and puffy. I went around to the back of the house and silently entered her home. I crept into the living room. The room was lit only by firelight from the roaring fire and I found the fire strangely comforting. I bent down beside her as she lay sleeping on the couch and she seemed to be wrapped in my scent. The quilt and the afghan were covered in my scent. She smelled of me and I smelled of her. She clutched the afghan and quilt as if she were hugging a person. I gently touched her hair as I brushed a kiss on her forehead. The ache in my chest eased somewhat in that tender moment.

The next night I returned to her home and tried to ask her several questions but she avoided answering me. Then our conversation was cut short by an unattractive were. Pam had told me I owed her money; I owed her $30,000. But the price on my head had been $50,000. I left her a check for that amount on the kitchen table while Sookie talked to the were. Pam told me it was her brother's idea for Sookie to be compensated for keeping me and not Sookie's but it made me wonder. Perhaps she cares nothing for me. Perhaps it she kept me safe only for the money that she obviously needed. I smelled something strange in her laundry room. There was human brain matter on her coat. If you could call it a coat, ugly and thin piece of material is a more accurate description. The thought ran through my head that I would buy her a proper coat but I had no idea why. I had been taking care of her since Dallas. I wanted her to feel safe. I wanted her to feel comforted and happy. I tried to ask a few more questions before I left but she was vague. My confusion set in and I just walked out, again. The ache in my chest returned before I reached Fangtasia.

That was 20 nights ago.

Every night I woke with a moment of peace, and then I remembered that she is not there. Her scent on me had finally faded. I could smell it ever so slightly on a t-shirt I found in my office. I sat for hours had looked at that damn shirt. It is something I would have never bought myself. But I hold it to my chest like a child. Like I remembered my human children clinging to blankets when they were young, I have thought of them much these past nights. Another side effect of this ache in my chest, the last thing time I remembered this kind of sadness was when I was turned and I missed my children. I love being a vampire but the first few nights were hard. Ocella allowed me to check on them about six months after I was turned and once I saw that they were doing fine without me after that I did not think of them as much after that. But this ache, this burning ache is different than that because it is not letting up. It is getting worse every night I am without Sookie. Pam realizes there is something wrong with me. I can tell she is worried.

"Eric, why don't you just go to her and talk to her? Pam demanded.

"She will come to me." I stormed

"Stubborn mule" she murmured under her breath before she asked me, "Have you feed tonight? Shall I bring you dinner? There are several lovely sorority girls here tonight." She smiled her evil smile. Well it is the evil smile that I taught her.

For just a moment that makes me smile too. "I leave it to you to choose for me." I smiled and waved her out of my office.

She returned soon after with a petite blonde, with doe eyes and a bright smile. Pam had chosen wisely. I stalked toward her and smiled. "So you wish to feed a vampire?" I purred.

"Yes." She whispered.

I motioned with the crook of my finger "Well then, come to me." She started walking to me but all I could see suddenly see was Sookie.

I could visualize her sweet innocent smile, her brilliant blue eyes, and her golden hair flowing down her back, all the little things that made her adorable and beautiful. I bent my head to the girl's neck and breathed in but the scent was all wrong. She smelled of strong perfume. My Sookie smells of vanilla and lavender a very light scent of the two. And when she does wear perfume she wears Obsession.

Why I was thinking of this now? This sort of thing had become an ongoing problem. I had to make myself feed. I forced myself to bite but the blood that flowed into my mouth was little better than the synthetic crap we sell at the bar. I glamoured the girl into believing we had sex and that she enjoyed herself but I did not want her, I wanted Sookie; I only want Sookie her blood, her body and most importantly her embrace. I sent the girl on her way once I was sure her mind was sorted. I walked to the closet and pulled the t-shirt out and took a breath in and could smell Sookie. And once again, I found myself flying to her home in the middle of the night for my silent vigil.

I watched her come home from work. She was sad, again. I watched her through the bedroom window as she tried to sleep. I watched her hug the pillow and she cried herself to sleep. I wonder why? Could she be missing me the same way I was longing for her? And if so, then why does she not come to me? She shuddered after an hour or so and sat up. She pulled the ugly quilt from beside her bed and took a deep breath and smiled briefly. She laid there awake, holding the hideous quilt, deep into the night. She rose and walked to the other bedroom and knelt beside the closet I had awoken in. She just sat there on her knees weeping silent tears. She finally got up and went into the living room. I watched through the window on the front porch as she stared into the unlit fireplace and ran her hand over the empty place beside her on the floor. She collapsed on the spot and wept again. As she sobbed, the ache in my chest grew substantially and I flew off into the night angry and confused.

The more nights that pass without her the angrier I got at her, at myself and at everyone and everything in general. Pam had threatened to ban me from the bar. She said I was bad for business. It had almost been a month since I stayed with Sookie, so I am pleasantly surprised when Pam approached me and said, "Eric, Sookie Stackhouse is here to see you." She smiled that evil smile I taught her and I in that moment so did I.

Pam brought Sookie to me and I could feel her apprehension as she sits down across the table from me. She talked to me of plots and murders. Why was I not surprised? She could not stay out of trouble for 30 minutes let alone 30 days. She asked for a favor for the shifter. I hate that dumb dog. I have no idea why other that he holds a place in her heart. I agree to help her but not for the shifter but to place someone to watch over her until I can ascertain where the threat is coming from and if someone means her harm.

After we hammer out the details of the favor I asked her to dance. The moment she wrapped me in her arms the ache in my chest stopped. Holding her felt so right, so familiar and I told her this. She opens her mouth to say something but stopped. I could feel her hold on me tighten. I was unsure if she even realized she was doing it. She rubbed her cheek against my chest and I knew she was barely holding it together. I could almost taste her tears.

"Tell me little one, just tell me." I said out loud. The thought running over and over in my mind is, 'I will do anything you ask, just tell me what happened between us that is making you hurt so much.' I started to say more but she made up a reason to leave and ran out of the club. That is what she is good at; running. She runs when things get hard. I told her that once in Jackson. She denied that was a pattern in her life but it fits her to a "T!"

I was now covered in her scent but she was gone. I went to my office and retrieved the t-shirt. I sat and held it for what seemed like an hour before I threw the damn thing on the closet floor. I am Eric fucking Northman, Sheriff of Area 5 and it was time I started acting like it.

Three nights later I received an interesting phone call. Charles Twining, the vampire I have sent to help the shifter and watch over Sookie, unbeknownst to her, called. "Sherriff, I regret to tell you that Sookie's home was attacked last night. She was uninjured but the home was damaged by fire. I was able to apprehend the person responsible." He blurted out.

"While you were 'apprehending' this…person…who was helping Sookie?" I asked through gritted fangs.

"She was saved by a fairy." He almost whispered sensing my anger.

"Charles, start at the beginning of the story and leave nothing out." I demanded.

He told me of hearing a noise, tracking and killing a Fellowship of the Sun member. Of course he did not realize the house was on fire until he saw the fairy pulling Sookie out of the house. 'Right' I thought. I find it curious that he did not smell smoke or a fairy. I must look into what this might mean.

He told me that, Sookie, ran back into the burning house to call for help to try to save that damn old farmhouse. Did she not realize that I would buy her a thousand houses? Houses, cars and clothing I could replace but she could not be replaced.

I felt my anger rise to near boiling. "Underling if you see her doing something that could put her in danger again you are to stop her. I do not care if she screams until she is blue in the face. You should have never allowed her back in that house! I am on my way there now. Where is she?" I yelled into the phone.

"We are at Merlotte's. We are working." He advised me.

"Let me talk to the Shifter NOW!" A few moments later and Sam answered.

"A little busy here Eric. What do you want?" He yelped at me.

"Her house burns down and you make her come into work? What kind of idiot are you? She needs to be resting!" I growled.

"Eric she asked to come in to work. I only did what she wanted. So don't call here yelling at me." He barked.

"She is not herself and now this. She needs to be resting." I said a little softer and more to myself than to him.

"If you are that worried about her why don't you come …" before he could finish I hung up on him and was in my car driving like a maniac before the shifter probably could have hung up the phone!

I was on my way to Sookie. My Sookie, she could have died. I could have lost her forever this time. The ache intensified under that thought and became a horrible tightness in my chest. The more I thought about the danger she had put herself in the angrier I became. How could she be so careless? She was so precious to me, how could she not see that? I drove even faster and I am sure I set a new land record for reaching Bon Temps.

I threw open the door of the shifter's bar and there she stood. My Sookie, my silly, adorable, kind, brave, sweet Sookie and in that moment all I wanted to do was hold her. I felt her take my hand and lead me outside so she could talk to me while she was 'on her break'. Something about that set me off even more.

I was so upset by the ache in my chest for the past month, by her dangerous actions, by Charles' inactions, by the shifters hold on her, and by all of the bloodbags in the bar looking down on her for associating with me and God knows what else. I was not really angry with her but more so with the circumstances surrounding us.

The weeks of not knowing finally took a toll on me and I demanded to know what happened between us. I swear to God I don't really know what happened but one minute I was talking to her and the next I had her by her little arms and I was holding her too hard. Her eyes glazed over in pain and fear. I hated myself for making her eyes look like that and then she said the one thing that cut me open. "If you get your memories back you will look back on this moment and it will break your heart, Eric. It will break MY Eric's heart."

I eased up on the grip but did not let her go. Her eyes soften as she looked at me and I was lifting my hand to caress her face when the shifter stuck his head out the back door to check on her. She pulled back and stepped away from me and just like I had done for a month now, I walked away, so much for me being Eric "fucking" Northman, Sherriff of Area 5.

As I drove to Fangtasia I could feel Sookie's pain and sadness. By the time I walked in and ripped the shirt I had on off and pulled on a leather vest to enthrall the vermin, the ache in my chest was taking me over. I stalked out to my chair and snatched the True Blood out of Pam's hand that she offered me.

"Well Eric, I see that you have been with Miss Stackhouse and she has you in a lovely mood." Pam said snarkily.

"Pamela, if I were you, I would tread lightly. I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it, never forget that little child of mine." I growled at her.

"Master I meant no disrespect, is there anything that I can get for you?" She smiled her sweet 'but I am your little girl and you love me' smile that she always uses when she is in trouble with me and damn it if it doesn't always work on me.

"No, my child, I am fine. I require….nothing." I sigh.

It was a long night. By 11:00pm I had kicked three fangbangers and threatened at least ten tourists when Pam walked onto the stage and told me she needed to speak with me in my office.

"Eric, you are my maker and I…..love you..." she paused as I raised an eyebrow," you know what I mean but you have to go home. You are bad for business. Eric, they come here for a thrill not a death threat! Go home, or better yet, go to Bon Temps, and talk to Sookie…."

I cut her off. "I am the last person she wants to see. I am going home. I will see you tomorrow and we will speak of this no more!" I roared out of the parking lot with my chest on fire and feeling Sookie's sadness like it had not been since the first night I left her home. I did not know how many nights like this I would be able to bear.

I had been home for all of twenty seven minutes when a new type of pain ripped through me. "NO!" I yelled as I felt a heart rending pain from both Sookie and Pam. I immediately ran out of the house and flew toward Fangtasia. I knew that is where they were. Why Sookie was there I could not explain, but I could feel them both at that location. Upon arriving I ran through the back door past Thalia.

"Where is Pam?" I yelled in her direction.

"She took Miss Stackhouse to your office Master." She answered.

I could have never been prepared for the scene before my eyes when I threw open the door to my office. My child and my Sookie were on the floor, crying in each other's arms. I had no idea what to say or what to do. For the first time in a thousand years I was at a loss. I, Eric Northman, had no plan. And the two people that mean more to me than anything else in this world were in a heap on the floor of my office crying so hard that their bodies were convulsing with their sobbing.

_This is not what happens in my fantasy when she comes to me. In my dream she is wearing the white dress with little red flowers all over it. She stalks into Fangtasia and up to my throne, leans over and brushes a kiss on my cheek and whispers "Come with me."_

_And I blindly follow her back to my office. She turns slowly as I close the door. She pushes me ever so slightly against the door and kisses my neck. She pulls me forward and down to her to kiss her way to behind my ear and then she whispers,_

"_I yield to you. I. Am. Yours." These are the seven words I have longed to hear her say and it shakes me to my soul._

_I pull her to the couch and she looks at me sweetly almost innocently. "You have too many clothes on Sookie." I smile. _

"_Well, what should I take off, Eric?" She says so seductively. _

"_Why don't I do that for you?" I say as kneel down in front of her and reach under her dress and pull down her lacy white panties. _

_I kiss her and she pants, "Please Eric, I need you." I hold her, caressing her and I kiss down her neck pulling the dress down to reveal her perfect breasts. I kiss her and please her until she is writhing against me begging. _

"_Sookie I have fantasized about this so many times. I want you on my desk. I want you." I growl as I lift her onto the desk and begin to push up her dress to see her glistening folds. "Oh Sookie you are so wet for me, I need you." She unzips my pants, pushes them down and guides me to her entrance. _

_I push into her with one thrust and she immediately screams my name. I push her to the limits that her little body will let her go. I bring her three times before I allow myself my own release. _

_We lay there on the desk panting and then she looks at me and whispers. "I meant what I said I am yours if you want me, if you love me." She looks at me so hopefully. _

"_Sookie you are mine, I am yours and I do love you!" _

But that is not what I saw before me. She has come to me destroyed by my carelessness. I had done this to her by not going to her before, and by allowing my temper to get so out of control when I did finally go to her tonight. She had showed me nothing but kindness and I have hurt the one person who accepted me as I am. She is the one person, besides Pam, who wanted me for me and not because I was the Sherriff of Area 5 but in spite of it.

Now the question is; what the hell am I going to do about it?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Guys I am putting in a little bit of "my" Pam's history and why she reacted to Sookie the way she did when she was in such pain. I am not sure that I will continue as no one seems to be reading it. I am thinking I may finish this one up and call it a day. I mean lots seem to read but no one is leaving reviews and that leads me to believe no one likes it. Maybe I am just insecure as I am a new writer. **

**Enjoy. As always I own nothing. Everything (except Keillen) belongs to CH and I love and adore her. **

Chapter 2 Pam's POV

CRASH! SMACK! BAM! What the hell? Why do I even I ask? I know that it is Eric and he is in a foul mood. This all started after his time with Sookie. I don't know how to help him but I know that I have to do something. The night I picked him up at Sookie's house it was obvious to me that he was in pain. I could feel it across our bond. As his child, I know him better than anyone.

"What seems to be the problem Master?" I ask gingerly.

"Keep these bloodbags away from my throne!" he yells.

I approach his throne and swat away several of the braver fangbangers who were not smart enough to run for cover when he threw several bottles of True Blood at them. I lean in to him and whisper,

"Eric, may I speak to you in private?" He nods and follows me to his office. I sit down on the sofa and pat the seat beside me. He gives me a look and I shoot him one back but he still sits down beside me.

"Eric, just go to the girl and tell her you care for her." I say gently.

"I am vampire; I do not care for humans. I taught you better than that Pamela! To care for a human could be used as a great weakness. I am not weak." he huffs.

"To love is not weak. To love is to risk everything. To love is the greatest show of bravery that one can ever display." I said a little more loudly than I mean to do.

"What do you know of love? You have only had pets and bangers!" he asks harshly.

"I have known love but I lost… she was…I have known love. A love so pure and so true and you will not speak ill of her. You will not say it was not love because it was. It was love and it was….beautiful. She was beautiful." I pause to gather myself; remembering I am speaking to my maker, I tried to reign in my emotions. I expect Eric to be angry for my outburst but he only looked at me lovingly and says,

"When my child, when was this?" he asks with great interest.

"It was after you released me. I was out in the night. You know how I like to run in the woods." I pause and he nods not only to acknowledge he understands but for me to continue with the story.

_I was running in the woods and I came to a clearing. It was near a small brook. It was beautiful in the moonlight. Suddenly the peaceful scene was broken by a young girl running for her life. She saw me and ran toward me. _

"_Please help me please? " She was shaking. _

"_No, go away and take whatever trouble you have following you with you!" I growled. I turned to go. _

"_Please Miss please. He will beat me. No more beatings please; I just don't want to hurt anymore, please." She begged as she started to weep. I paused. It was her plea that caused me to pause. I noticed how tiny she was. She was beautiful and her eyes held such hope. I stopped moving and just looked at her. That pause was long enough for her to touch my leg as she bowed on the ground. Before I could go a hulk of a man came crashing through the woods. She scurried behind me as he yelled at her. _

"_Whore, you will go home with me now. I will lash you for this!" he glared at me. "Who the hell are you?" he stammered. He was drunk and slurring his speech. _

"_I am the woman who will end you." I smiled and felt my fangs drop. He turned to run. I pinned him to the tree he stood beside. "You, girl," I called to her "what would you have me do with him."_

"_I just don't want to hurt anymore. I want to be free." she whispered. It was then in the moonlight I could truly see her beauty and the bruises. She had a busted lip and blue marks around her neck and wrist. She also had bruises on very surface I could see from under her torn and tattered dress. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming desire to protect her._

"_Then you shall be free."and I drained him dry while she stood there. When I turned and looked at her she did not look afraid._

"_I thought you were an angel but you are not an angel, are you?" she simply asked._

"_No I am not." I said with a hint of amusement in my voice._

"_I should have known God would not send an angel for me. I am dirty and broken. God forgot about me a long time ago. No one will ever love me. I will always be alone and abandoned." She cried softly into her shaking little hands._

"_God is not real. He is just something humans make up to scare children into obeying their parents." I offered. _

_She looked at me for a long time and with a nod she said. "So if there is no God and no Angels, then what are you?" she whispered with deep interest._

_And for the first time in my vampire existence to that point I did not glamour her and send her away. I told her the truth. "I am a vampire."_

"_My brother used to read me books when I was a child. There were vampires in the book. So are you a monster?" she asked quietly but with no fear in her bright blue eyes. _

"_Yes." was my answer, I had just drained a man in her presence of course she would think I was a monster. She stared at me for a long moment before saying, _

"_I don't think you are a monster. I think you have good in you or you would have let him hurt me. Or you would have killed me too." she said with conviction in her voice. She sat very still for a moment and said, "Can I ask you some questions?"_

_I had planned on glamouring her and sending her away so I did not see the harm, but the more we talked the more I was pulled toward her. The more I wanted her to know me and the more I wanted to know her. She asked all the typical questions; how much blood do you drink? Can you fly? And last but not least, can you turn into a bat? I answered them all. After a long while she looked at her tormentor's lifeless body and she kicked him. I reached for her and touched her gently._

"_Let me take care of you." I whispered._

"_I thought you wanted me to go away?" she whispered._

"_I changed my mind. I would very much like to take care of you." I smiled and meant every word._

"_You don't even know my name." She smiled._

"_What is your name?" I purred._

"_I don't really have one. He called me bad names and so did the men he would give me too but I think I remember it was Keillen. I think my name is Keillen. She said sadly._

"_Keillen, I am Pam. Come with me. I will not harm you or allow harm to come to you."_

"_Why? Why would you help me Pam?" she said as a single tear rolled down her face._

"_Because once when I was lost and alone and there was a man, who became my world, who was kind to me and saved me from a fate worse than death. I was to be married off to someone I did not love. I would not have survived the life I was being dealt and my maker, that man, he saved me and I shall save you." I said with conviction and truth in my heart and voice. _

_I took her in my arms and kissed her gently on the cheek. She cuddled against me and I smiled a genuine smile for the first time since I had struck out on my own. I took her back to my home. It was out in the middle of nowhere but it was nice and quiet. I gently helped her out of her rags and helped her into a bath. I laid out a gown for her to wear and watched as she dried herself, dressed in the gown and slipped into bed. _

"_I'm so sleepy." she whispered to me._

"_Then sleep little one. Close your eyes, I will hold you." I told her._

"_I can rest now? I can rest and you won't go? You won't leave me?" she asked._

"_I will have to go to ground before sunrise but I will be close and I will return at sunset. I will not leave you. Rest now, rest easy and know that I will care for you." I said with a sudden knowledge that I would do anything to keep her safe and happy. _

_She smiled, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep as she whispered, "Thank you Pam. Thank you."_

_Every night she would be there when I rose. She would tell me of her day and we would spend the nights laughing and talking. She did not say anything on the nights that I would leave her in search of food. I explained to her the need to feed and she nodded that she understood. She asked me once if I had to kill to feed. I told her, no, that often I would feed from them and glamour them into forgetting. _

_Then one night I needed to feed but before I left for the hunt I stopped in her room to tell her I was about to go and she had tears in her eyes. _

"_What's wrong Keillen? I asked very gently. She brought out a side of me I had not known existed._

"_I would feed you. If you would but ask." she said with tears in her eyes._

_I walked to her, took her in my arms and whispered in her ear, "Will you feed me?"_

"_Yes" she breathed into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time. She looked shocked for a moment but then when I kissed her again she opened her mouth and moaned as I began to caress her arms and neck. I carried her to bed. I undressed her carefully. "Is this alright? I want you to feel good." I murmured into her ear. _

"_Oh yes, Pam this feels so good. I didn't know I could feel like this." she smiled with sweet tears in her eyes. She leaned up and kissed me. "I love you Pam. I love you." she whimpered._

_I laid her down on her back. I kissed down her neck to her breast. I took one in my mouth and licked and suck gently and then a little rougher when she grabbed my head and pressed me to her. I ran my hand between her legs and she was already wet. I slipped my fingers between her folds and rubbed her sweet spot until she screamed my name and her hips rose off the bed. I licked her essences from my fingers and kissed back up her body. As I reached her face that was framed by her golden locks, I saw her sweet eyes, her beautiful blue eyes and I whispered, "Keillen, I love you. I love you little one. I love you." And as I drank from her for the first time, I knew no one would ever touch my heart like my Keillen._

Suddenly I realize I have stopped talking and I am still in Eric's office. I wipe the single blood red tear from my face, look at Eric and whisper, "Yes I knew love. I knew it well."

Eric sits silently for a long time before asking me, "What happened to Keillen?"

"She died in my arms, two months before you called me back here to start Fangtasia with you. She never wanted to be turned. When she was younger it was because she did not want to drink blood from strangers and then by the time True Blood was available she said she was too old for me to turn. But I would have gladly turned her. The part of me that was good and kind died with her, I think. But I know that, I will not meet my final death wondering what it would have been like to be loved. She gave me love and for that I am grateful. " I sigh.

Eric looks at me and says, "I wondered why you were so melancholy and willing to rejoin me when I called you. You could have told me. I would have comforted you. You are my child." He whispers.

"Eric, I am not telling you this now to garner sympathy. I am telling you this because you have a chance to be with someone who cares for you. IT was so obvious when Sookie came here the other night to ask you for help. When you were holding her and dancing with her she was clinging to you. Go talk to her. What do you have to lose?" I ask.

Just then his office phone starts ringing. It is Charles. Poor Sookie, she really is a danger magnet. (Apparently there was a fire at her house last night. She was saved by a fairy. And she had run back in the burning house and now instead of resting or coming here to Eric she has gone to work.) Eric is livid as he throws down the phone and runs out the back to his car.

Oh crap. This is not going to go well. She is going to be emotional and tired. He is already so worried about her and now this. I settle into Eric's sofa and whisper. "Keillen, I could use your advice. You would know just what to say to help them. Guide me little one, guide me." And I smile just for saying her name aloud for the first time in 2 years.

About an hour later, ALL HELL BRAKES LOSE and Hell's name is ERIC NORTHMAN!

"Pamela! Bring me a blood NOW!" he yells at me. As I approach his throne with the True Blood he snatches it from my hand.

"Well Eric, I see that you have been with Miss Stackhouse and she has you in a lovely mood." I know not the smartest move to poke the bear, but I really can't help myself. Normally a poke at Eric from me will snap him out of one of his moods but this did not work at all.

"Pamela, IF I WERE YOU, I would tread lightly. I brought you in this world and I can take you out of it, never forget that little child of mine." He growls at me.

I smile my sweetest smile, the one only he sees and say, "Master, I meant no disrespect, is there anything I can get for you?" I purr in my 'I am your little girl and you love me' voice and couple it with the smile and he is putty in my hands. It always works.

"No my child, I am fine. I require nothing." He sighs.

I watch as he stalks to his throne and sits down. He runs his hand over his chest. He has started doing this as of late. Just for a moment I think I see a speck of red in the corner of his eye. It was a long night, by 11:00pm he has kicked some fangbangers in the head and scared a bus load of tourist that wanted a picture of him.

"Eric, may I speak with you in your office, please?" I say as professionally as possible.

"What is it Pam?" He asks as we enter his office.

"Eric, you are my maker and I…" I pause a brief moment, "love you…" he gave me a questioning look, "you know what I mean but you have got to GO home. You are bad for business. Eric they come here for a thrill not a death threat! Go home, or better yet, go to Bon Temps, and talk to Sookie…" he cut me off immediately.

"I am the last person she wants to see! I am going home. I will see you tomorrow and we will speak of this NO MORE!" and with that he takes off out of the club and roars off into the night. I watch as his taillights speed out of sight. I really have no idea what to do but I need to think of something fast.

I am still working the front door when I see Sookie tear into the parking lot. She jumped out of the car and seemed to be in a great hurry. She seems upset and I want to calm her and talk to her. "Well Sookie, what are you doing here? Didn't my master just come see you? He left here quite annoyed about something. Did you have something to do with that? I snap at her. I am trying to ruffle her feathers and get a rise out of her but the sad look on her face does not change.

"Let me by Pam!" she says as she storms by me. "Is he in his office?" she asks.

I am explaining that he was not here but she could wait for him at the bar. I am sure he will drive straight back here if he knows she has finally come to him. But she keeps walking toward his office.

"Great. I just need to get something out of his office and I will leave before he gets back." She just keeps walking and it is then I notice that as she is reaching to open the door. Her hands are shaking and there are tears in her eyes. She starts tearing through his office. "Sookie what are you looking for?" I ask but she ignores me.

She is muttering to herself, "It would not have meant anything to him. He would have left it. Please let it be here, please, please, please." is all she keeps saying like a chant.

She was on her hands and knees pulling at the clothes in the bottom of Eric's closet. It is then that she suddenly stops and pulls a t-shirt from the floor and whispers "oh thank you, thank you." As she lifts the t-shirt to her face and breaths in deeply, I notice it is the shirt that I have seen Eric with earlier but what does it mean.

"Sookie what is wrong? Why is that shirt so important to you?" I ask as gently as I can.

"The last time he had it on he loved me. He held me. He told me that I was beautiful and he said he'd stay with me forever. He said he would never abandon me. He said he would bring me to his side." She begins to sob and I had no idea what to do.

She begins to systematically fall apart. She talks of pain and hurt. Then she says something that makes me think of Keillen. She said, "I am so tired, I hurt, I hurt, please, please, please I don't want to hurt anymore." I sink to my knees and gather her to me and in that moment I would do anything to stop her pain. _It is what Keillen would have done. She would have never let someone cry alone and in pain._

Then she says something that shocks the hell out of me. "He hurt me Pam. He hurt my arm." Something in that made me sob right along with her. The pain she is feeling is overwhelming me. I have only had her blood once. But her emotions are flooding the room. I keep rocking her and singing to her.

I have to stop her pain. I call out to Eric. He has to get here. I know that only he can make her whole. I call out to him over and over, letting Sookie's pain flood the bond between me and my maker. It does not take long before the door to his office blows open and here he stands and for once it seems that Eric is at a loss for words.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: One of my lovelies reminded me that I started writing to just get the stories out of my head and into the world so I am just going to write for me and enjoy myself. I will appreciate and love each and every review but I am not going to stress so if I see people are reading and not reviewing. OK on with the show! (but it does make me do a cute little dance when you review.**giggles and claps hands!**) **

**And as always, I own NOTHING but a huge Dalmatian that thinks he is a lap dog!**

Chapter 3 Sookie's POV

I was in Pam's arms sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Pam and Eric were having quite the conversation but it was in that language I will never understand. I absently wondered if it is Old Norse or something even older. I felt safe in Pam's arms and I had not felt safe since Eric left me. Eric, every time I even thought his name I ached. Eric once more began to speak in English and what he said terrified me.

"Pam leave us; leave her to me." But I was unsure of his tone. He had hurt me once, would he hurt me again? Plus I felt safe, finally.

"NO! NO! You can't have her too! No, she is all I have now." I yelled at him. "Pam, please don't leave me please." I begged her as I clawed into and around her.

Pam tried to calm me. Her voice was so soothing. I did not ever remember her voice being this loving and sweet. She was asking me to give Eric a chance but she wasn't there earlier in the evening at Merlotte's. She did not see how horrible he was to me; how angry he was.

"No. He hates me. He hates me now." I whispered to Pam all the while knowing Eric would overhear.

I felt Eric's hand softly touch my elbow as he whispered with the gentlest of voices, "No little one, I do not hate you. Sookie, Sookie, look at me angel. Look at me." He begged in a hushed tone that soothed me. I blinked several times trying to clear my vision as I looked up at him. He smiled gently at me and continued to say, "Sookie, I am here. I am sorry. Do you wish for me to hold you?"

I nodded and tried to speak as he also asked if I wanted him to put on the t-shirt that was clutched in my hand. I tried again to speak, but I could not, so I nodded. He looked at me so sweetly with his hand outstretched to take the t-shirt. I slowly handed it to him. I did not want to but if he was going to put it on and hold me, I would risk just about anything to feel his embrace.

Once he had the shirt on he looked at me, "Come here Sookie. Let me hold you." He whispered.

I tried to let go of Pam but I was afraid. What if I let go of her and he didn't take me in his arms? What if he threw me away? I have stared down serial killers, werewolves, vampires and shifters all intent on killing me but I have never been as scared as I was of letting go of Pam and going to him. I looked up into Pam's eyes; they were covered in red from her tears.

"You'll stay though, right? You won't go?" I asked with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

"I will be right here Sookie." She smiled and rubbed my arm. I began to unwrap myself from her arms when she smiled and said something to Eric in that other language that made him look lost and ashamed, but at the end of her sentence he smiled and held his hand out to me. I threw myself into his arms. There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted him to know how sorry I was for falling apart like this. I had always known I had to let him go, that he was not mine to keep. I wanted him to know I knew he could never love me. I wanted him to know I knew that I was broken and damaged goods but the brief time he loved me I was whole and happy. But I could get nothing out for the first few minutes he held me. I just lost myself in his scent.

Then suddenly all the pain of losing him flooded back into me. I thought of the night he left me. I never got to say goodbye. I went from having a man who loved me to him walking out and not saying goodbye. I cried so many nights for him. Begging any god that would listen to give him back just for a minute or two. I thought of the check he left for me on my kitchen table. I remembered how the money was decided on but no matter what the circumstances, the night I found the check after he left I felt like a whore. I felt like he thought I was a whore. I had begged that night. I had lain on my sofa and begged God to return my Eric to me but no one came. I realized I was praying now, I was once again begging God to give me five more minutes with My Eric.

Eric shivered and pulled me up and into his hold as he said, "Pam pull your vehicle around I need you to drive us home."

I was in his arms and for that moment it was enough. He was holding me. I rubbed my face against his chest and then against his neck and breathed him in deep. He was saying something. I don't even know if he realized he was saying it. He was saying, 'that's right little one, scent me. Mark me as yours.' It made me so happy. I looked up into his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes and there he was- MY Eric. I smiled, stopped crying and asked him "Where are we going?" I almost added baby to the end of the sentence. He smiled at me and simply said, "home."

We did not drive that long. Pam reached back into the backseat several times and patted my leg or arm, whatever she could reach. Eric smiled several times when she did this. It was like he was proud of her or he was thinking of something else. I started to ask but I was so tired. Not sleeping for four weeks will do that to a person. I snuggled against Eric's chest and closed my eyes. I heard Eric whisper to me "Sleep little one, sleep." And with that reaffirmation I felt safe, happy, and completely relaxed. I fell asleep in my vampire's arms with my new vampire patting my leg.

I was so comfortable and safe. Eric was carrying me again but it didn't matter that he woke me when we got out of the car. I kept my eyes closed and just enjoyed being in his arms. He whispered to Pam that I would need food in the morning and something to change into. Pam said she would handle everything and for Eric to take good care of me. I smiled into his chest.

Eric carried me with his lips brushing my temple the entire time. He placed sweet kisses there all the way to what I assumed was his bedroom. He laid me on a soft bed that was covered in his scent. I wondered why I could smell him so intently. There was no one else in my life that I had ever had that experience with. Except maybe Gran, if I smell pecan pie I always think of Gran, but this is different. This is Eric's actual scent- his scent is so unique. He smells of the sea and musky earth. I realize somewhere in my sleepy mind that Eric is undressing me and I am just too tired to protest. He was tucking me into the covers and once I was settled to his liking he kissed my forehead and whispered to me,

"Sleep my little angel, my dearest one, sleep." He sighed and ran his hand over my cheek cupping it just for a moment. I was aware of all these events, yet I could not be pulled out of my deep sleep.

I awoke in a strange room but covered in a familiar scent. Eric. I felt his arms around me and sighed a breath of relief. A nightmare, I had a horrible nightmare. I pulled against him for him to hold me tighter which he immediately did.

I sighed and whispered, "MMMM Baby, I had the worst dream. You didn't love me anymore. You hated me. You hurt me. It was horrible."

He responded by kissing the top of my head and saying, "Shush, Sookie, it is okay. I am here." That made me smile. I wanted him to love me, to take me and make me his.

"Eric, MMMM kiss me, love me….MMMM Eric…" I pushed back against him and rubbed his strong arms that were wrapped around me. He wasn't responding.

"Sookie wait…" he started to say but I wanted to know what was wrong, so I asked,

"Why, Eric? Why aren't you making love to me? Baby Please." As I rolled over to look at him I had a horrible realization. A pain ripped through my body. My arm, oh God my arm hurts. It was not a dream. It was all real all the pain. The events of the night flooded my mind and so did the last month of hurt and horror.

"Oh, it wasn't a dream. You do hate me." I could not bear to look in his eyes so I looked away. I started to get up but I thought if he was going to send me away at least I could have a few more minutes in his arms. I would lie there and memorize the feeling. I would be grateful for getting to say goodbye this time. I would at the very least get to tell him everything I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know that if he was ever lost and alone and wondered if he was loved in his life, that he was and that if there was still breath in my body he would be.

His answer shocked me, "No Sookie, I do not hate you. I care so much. I have been wrong. Let me make this up to you little one." He spoke so gently and sweetly it scared me a little. He sounded like My Eric but this Eric was the one who hurt me, who left me, who broke every promise and my heart. No matter how I longed to stay in his arms, old habits die hard and I wanted to run.

"No Eric, I should go home." I reluctantly sighed.

"NO!" he shouted and then in a more gentle voice started "No, Sookie stay. Let me hold you so you can get some sleep. Would that be ok?" He said it with a look in his eyes of desperation. Maybe I wasn't the only one who wanted to be held. When he was speaking he laid his hand over his heart. He rubbed gently there like he was in pain. It hurt me to see him with an ache in his eyes so I agreed.

"Yes, I'll stay." I whispered. He looked at me rubbing my hurt arm with guilt in his eyes.

"Would you like me to heal that for you?" he asked with a nod toward my bruised arm. I thought about it for a brief moment before I agreed. I wanted his blood inside me. I wanted that closeness.

"Yes." I answered and he looked surprised but he smiled. He bit his finger and placed it in my mouth. He closed his eyes while I sucked on his finger. I felt that familiar pull in my stomach as I ached for him. He nuzzled close to me and his eyes when he opened them were so full of emotion. I didn't know what to say so I went for the obvious.

"Thank you." I sighed.

He kept snuggling against me.

Then he spoke so suddenly. "Sookie, you stop the ache. You take it away. I ache here and I don't know what it means." He said as he pointed to his chest.

I didn't know exactly where he was going with this line of conversation, but I was concerned that he was in pain.

"What are you talking about Eric? How does it hurt? What does it feel like?" I asked as I rubbed his chest where he had motioned that the pain was located. He looked at me with such hope and the look in his eyes was familiar to me.

It was My Eric. In this moment he was not 'Eric Northman, Sherriff of Area 5, he was My Eric. The Eric who has stayed with me, the Eric who needed me and I would be there. Whatever he needs I thought as he continued to explain.

"Since I left your home it has been happening, but the other night at Fangtasia when we danced it stopped. It was the moment you took me in your arms. The ache just stopped and tonight just holding you, it goes away." Did he know what he was saying? Did he know?

I brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his cheek. He looked young and scared as he asked me, "Is this what it feels like Sookie? Is this what it feels like to be loved?" He pushed closer to me and held me tighter as if he thought I would disappear.

And let's face it, I do run when confronted. But I did not want to run. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to take his pain away. I thought of how I had hurt over the past month and how I longed for Eric to come to me and fix all the pain. He had not been able to do that for me but I now had the opportunity to do that for Eric. He was laying here in pain. Scared and unsure of himself for possibly the first time in a thousand years, laying his heart out in the open, I reached up and cupped his face in my hands and just looked in his eyes. I suddenly knew what I needed to do.

"I was driving home from work, it was New Years Eve and I saw you running down the road…" I told him everything. Every emotion, every sweet moment, every promise and I held him in my arms as I did so. I didn't tell him about the night he rose and had forgotten me or the night after when I had mourned him like he had died. I figured I could cover those two nights later. We had enough pain to deal with right now. When I finished my tale I reached up and kissed his lips and said,

"I miss you so much. Was any of it you?" I was afraid to look at him as he began to speak. He took my face in his hands and spoke the words I had longed to hear for longer than I care to admit.

"All of it was, Sookie. My mind may not remember but my body and my long dead heart, they remember. They know that they love you. Every time you are in my arms the world is suddenly bright and full of color. Sookie I know that I love you. I have known for some time. I knew in Jackson." He said with conviction, sincerity and a voice so full of love I thought I would burst from the joy in my heart!

"Oh Eric, I love you so much!" I exclaimed. He held me so tight and then we were kissing. It started slow and sweet but it grew into a forest fire quicker than you could say "take me vampire." I could feel him holding back. He wanted to take me and take me hard but he was trying to be sweet and tender. I did not want sweet and tender! I wanted him and I wanted him right then and there! So I said,

"Eric, I know that you want to love me but baby I need you inside me so bad. Please Eric, please baby fuck me, please!" I begged and just like that my vampire took over and took me!

He dove between my legs. He was kissing and licking my already wet folds from front to back and I was watching every move he made. I remembered how he liked that and it seemed he still did. Every once in a while he would lose his rhythm and look at me softly. I begged him again to take me and just like that he was inside me. It was heaven! I was home and he was my home. I wanted him to bite me.

"Bite me Eric. Please baby bite." I begged and he did. It was incredible!

As he raised his head from my neck and looked into my eyes, I saw the horror in his eyes. He had remembered. I knew as sure as I knew my own name. His eyes rimmed with red as I stroked his hair and cooed softly to him,

"Shush, it is okay baby. It's over now. It's okay. I am fine, see. You healed me, see." I said as I showed him my arm. I knew there was more to the look than just tonight. I knew we had so much pain between us. I knew we had to talk about our month apart but I was hoping to table that for the night.

"Oh Lover," he began. I had not realized how much I missed that nickname until he said it. "How can you forgive what I have done? How I became toward you? I broke every promise, every vow. Lover, Lover…" He wept. It broke my heart to see him cry but I knew he needed it. I could just feel it in my bones; I needed to let him cry. A few minutes later I whispered to him,

"Eric do you love me?"

"YES!" He answered with no hesitation. And in that moment I knew what I wanted. What I had to have and what would save us from ever feeling this pain again.

"I love you too and we will have the rest of eternity to figure the rest out." I smiled and winked at him as I continued "Besides, I will find a way you can make it up to me."

He looked at me like a man with a new lease on life. "Sookie, my beloved did you mean that, for all eternity, you won't leave me? You will let me turn you?"

"Yes. Not tonight or anytime real soon but one day, sooner rather than later. I don't want you to ever feel the way I did this past month. I have to let you turn me to save you from that pain." He looked at me strangely for a moment but then exclaimed,

"Sookie you have made me so happy! I will spend forever making the last month up to you. I will love you and will worship you forever." He kissed me and laid me down. This is what I wanted, to be his. He sat me back up and looked at me so gently I felt tears flood my eyes. He kissed my tears away and told me to wrap my legs around him. He did the same and soon he was doing wonderful things between my legs with his hands. When he thought me prepared enough he whispered,

"Oh Sookie, you are so wet for me." This accomplished his goal of making me even wetter as he slipped inside me. My forehead was pressed to his and I was gazing in his beautiful blue eyes. I was writhing on him like a wild woman and he threw his head back as he exclaimed,

"Perfect, oh Sookie this is perfect. You are perfection, my angel." Something about him calling me angel did something to me. It made me want to be bad. I jerked his head to one side and bit his neck as hard as I could. I drew blood and I drank it down until the flow stopped. This caused him to come hard. He screamed out in the ancient language that is unknown to me and his body went limp against me. We lay down in each other's arms. After a few moments he looked down into my eyes and said,

"I love you Sookie Stackhouse. Marry me? Be my bonded and pledged?" He said in one big blur. He seemed flustered and unsure of himself and that is so un-Eric like.

It made me smile and I answered, "I will only say yes to the one thing I understood. Yes I will marry you Eric Northman. You can explain the rest tomorrow, the first night of our new life together!" I smiled a real smile for the first time in a month!

Soon I was bundled back in his arms. "Sookie, be here when I rise?" He said as more of a question that a statement. He looked at me gently.

"I promise. I will be in your arms when you rise. What time is sunset tomorrow?" I swore and asked.

"5:31pm" he advised. I felt a shiver run though my body at that time but I said nothing. I let it go. It was just a coincidence. Everything would be fine. Just because he rose at 5:31 the night he forgot me last time did not mean it would happen again. So I snuggled in and slept like the dead.

I did not wake up until 10:15 the next morning. I smiled into Eric's chest but then I replayed last night's events. OH MY GOD! I had not only agreed to marry Eric but to let him turn me. I agreed to marry Eric Northman, Sherriff of Area 5 - not my Eric. This Eric comes with lots of complications. "Oh shepherd of Judea save me!" I mumbled.

I knew that I loved him and could not live without him, but I had an overwhelming desire to RUN!

Yes I just did that…. Stay tuned for the new story Remembered Love (the morning after and beyond) That is the current plan anyway. Don't hate me too bad you know how I love me some HEA!

Thank you to my WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC beta sassyvampmamma who beta'd this from her sick bed. Thank you again girl. You are my hero! If you aren't reading her stuff you are missing out! And the ever faithful and sweet friends and final read through extrodinare kjwrit and Vikinglover Elle.


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